Every time people tell me things like, “Hey, you’re doing great in life!”
I always reply, “Just trying my best.”
Recently i’ve been pushing my best to be even better.
My best is not to be measured by success, or money, or how awesome i look to everyone on the outside.
My best should be about truth, love, honesty, respect, peace… there are so many things that plague my mind these days on how i can be all these things while keeping my moods in check. It’s hard..!
My trying to eat healthier is hard.
My trying to stop smoking is hard.
I have my good days, and i have my naughty days,
but i’m not berating myself for them.
Beating myself with guilt will not help me feel any better.
Instead, i think of how good i am being by having that one day where i only ate salads or fresh raw food.
Or like this morning when i decided to meditate for ten minutes despite my other days i rush without a thought of prayer.
Or yesterday morning when i woke up at 7:30am to make Clem and myself fresh juice, and left my house for a workout at 8:30am.
I turned down two jobs this week alone which i’d like to share.
Both were for FMCG products, and after a simple research online by simply picking two ingredients used in them, i found out horrifying statistics and info on how these compounds are strongly linked to cancer. Feel free to google/read about them yourself, i searched up the side effects for Liquidum paraffinum and Methyl Paraben.
It wasn’t easy to turn them down at first… cos honestly, i WANT the money. It’s enough money for me to survive for a month. But after some incidences that have been happening of late, i thought to myself, “If this is my last day alive, what would i do?”
The answer came so simply – I wouldn’t do it.
Why on EARTH would i promote a product that is unsafe for people!?
That would go against all my beliefs i’ve been trying to instil in myself.
So for now, i have earned nothing this month as of yet.
It’s gonna be a real test of faith, but i want to continue saying NO to advertising things that i would not use myself.
I don’t know how this is gonna fare for my blog’s earnings, but deep deep down, i know i’m doing the right thing, and i feel good about it.
Now, can someone give me more emcee jobs please? :p
The ONLY things i like about V Day are when:
– people who have feelings for each other use that occasion to hint at their emotions. It’s so cute.
– friends and family tell each other ‘i love you’
– people make cards, write poems, sing songs… that’s all okay with me.
I guess the only thing i’ve never been a fan of is the whole dinner and flowers shebang. If you’ve been a long-time reader of this blog, you might remember ALL the TIMES i bitched and blasted Valentine’s Day for its commercialism. Now, i’m a lot more calmer about the issue and don’t really care who wants to have V Day dinner or not, because it’s got nothing to do with me.
Early last week, Clem asked me to have dinner the following Friday and i said, “Okay.”
A couple of days after that i realised, “Oh. It’s Valentine’s Day.”
But i decided to suck it and go along with it after recalling a long time ago when i got into a fight with an ex cos i didn’t feel the desire nor necessity to go out for V Day’s dinner. The lasting impression i have of that fight was him saying: “You know, *you* may not want to celebrate Valentine’s Day but maybe *i* would like to!” That made me feel bad cos duh, it’s not all about me so… suck it.
So Clem picked me up around 8pm on Friday night and the moment we hit the road, we got stuck in a terrible traffic jam. In the rain.
I was starting to get moody cos i wanted to eat + i avoid Friday traffic like the plague + here we are braving this for Valentine’s Day dinner. But i kept quiet and waited… breathe in… breathe out… breathe in… … When we got to the restaurant, it didn’t turn out to be what Clem expected to be, tho what was sweet was that he looked for a vegetarian restaurant to bring me to cos i’m on this new healthy path and all. What was completely different on my side of things, was that because i thought we’re going out for dinner, i ate salads ALL DAY LONG to be good so i could enjoy dinner! (I’m not a full-blown vegetarian or anything, i’m just trying to have some balance.)
Clem looked pretty stricken that the restaurant thing didn’t pan out, but i thought it was pretty funny and we ordered away. I ate fish made out of soya (Gross. Sorry but i might as well eat the real thing), we both agreed that we don’t think we’ll ever return to that restaurant (cos the food wasn’t that great, or healthy to be honest).
We went for drinks at a bar after that, and had a good time talking when he made me open a present.
Me: “A present?! Whyyyy”
Clem: “It’s not a big thing. Please, it’s nothing…”
He didn’t look too pleased that the restaurant didn’t work out, and now a present that he SAID was nothing. I was quite sure it couldn’t be that bad and i’d like it. So i opened it and it was an ozonizer (to purify fruits and veggies) which thankfully, i know about and would use. The only weird thing about the ozonizer was that all the words on the box and in the manual were in Mandarin (which i know nothing of) and i figured i could just get someone to translate it for me. So i said ohhh thanks so much! i’d totally use this! and he was all ohhh i’m sorry it’s so shitty, this whole night is so shitty bla bla bla and i convinced him it’s really NOT shitty and i would SO use it (and i meant it!).
We put it aside, had a great night and went home pretty late where we hung out some more.
Then i spotted a LARGE BOX on the floor wrapped in nice paper and sparkle (which he admitted he ‘borrowed’ from my art corner). I was like WHAT’S THIS!? and opened it to find… a Hurom slow juicer. A very nice top-of-the-line juicer that i’ve been wanting to steal from my parents’ house.
Turns out Clem’s brilliant idea was to:
A) take me to a nice restaurant
B) trick me into accepting a crap present (that he actually got free with the juicer)
C) then giving me real present at home
At the end of the day, it was all REALLY SWEET of him and what counts is the effort. I was pretty happy for A and B alone but C was a big bonus 😀 Merci beaucoup baby 😀 😀 😀 (All i gave him was a shirt :p)
Today, he called me at work and was like, “Let’s go to – – – – for dinner on Thursday.”
Me: “Why Thursday? Why not Friday?”
Him: “Cos it’s our anniversary…”
Me: “OH.”
Alia had the launch for her new store before CNY but it was during the week of my detox and i was too tired to make it to the event. Still, i just wanted to post some pix from it cos i hearts her before her designs <3
The new show room, atelier and office takes up a Damansara Heights house (full address at end of post) for a more intimate and cosy environment.
Pix from the launch night:
Sheng Saw, Alia Bastamam, Marion Caunter in Alia Bastamam
Deborah Henry, Elaine Daly, Kimberly Leggett, Carey Ng, and Sabrina Beneett; all in Alia Bastamam
I didn’t want to write about this when it first happened cos i just didn’t know how to. I had to process it in my own way… and it was one of the hardest weeks for my whole family. My wonderful vivacious uncle Michael passed away very suddenly last Sunday. It has been a week since his being gone and it’s so insane how in less than a week, my poor aunty Gillian went from having a happy loving husband to having his funeral.
He was only 53, and they have four incredibly intelligent and beautiful children, with my youngest cousin being only 11. It kills me that they’ve lost their father at such a young age. It’s one of my worst fears. Ever.
After his passing, i couldn’t stop thinking WHY it had to be him. Or the last two friends of mine before him, who also passed on prematurely just recently since December. I could think of so many other people who… “wouldn’t be missed”, as Deep put it. Why the NICEST, most AWESOME people have to go so fast?! No matter what people say like “it’s meant to be”, i’ll just feel like kicking you in the face for saying that.
I had so many questions about death, and where we really go, and why we go.
I DO believe and KNOW that we are ultimately beautiful perfect souls of brilliant light floating in a parallel universe, all connected, all love, all what heaven is described to be. But WHY the timing? It shocked me into realising very abruptly how fragile my own life on earth is. Every thing around me. Every second. Every day.
I was inclined to direct all my questions to a particular friend whom i turn to in times of distress.
Why do people die?
Where do they go?
Why do they have to go at a certain time?
Even if they’re having such a good time here?
Why? Why? Why?
For some reason, i didn’t message her. The thought crossed my mind every day since Sunday, but i just didn’t end up doing it and that’s okay. The amazing thing is that i bumped into her quite coincidentally, and managed to have an unexpectedly private talk with her.
She said that for someone to go painlessly and so early on, it just meant that his job here on earth was done.
“Trust me honey, where he is, he’s having a ball.”
I like the sound of that.
It doesn’t help us miss him less, but i like thinking that he was such a great person inside that it was only natural he went on to his next stage in existing.
