I didn’t want to write about this when it first happened cos i just didn’t know how to. I had to process it in my own way… and it was one of the hardest weeks for my whole family. My wonderful vivacious uncle Michael passed away very suddenly last Sunday. It has been a week since his being gone and it’s so insane how in less than a week, my poor aunty Gillian went from having a happy loving husband to having his funeral.
He was only 53, and they have four incredibly intelligent and beautiful children, with my youngest cousin being only 11. It kills me that they’ve lost their father at such a young age. It’s one of my worst fears. Ever.
After his passing, i couldn’t stop thinking WHY it had to be him. Or the last two friends of mine before him, who also passed on prematurely just recently since December. I could think of so many other people who… “wouldn’t be missed”, as Deep put it. Why the NICEST, most AWESOME people have to go so fast?! No matter what people say like “it’s meant to be”, i’ll just feel like kicking you in the face for saying that.
I had so many questions about death, and where we really go, and why we go.
I DO believe and KNOW that we are ultimately beautiful perfect souls of brilliant light floating in a parallel universe, all connected, all love, all what heaven is described to be. But WHY the timing? It shocked me into realising very abruptly how fragile my own life on earth is. Every thing around me. Every second. Every day.
I was inclined to direct all my questions to a particular friend whom i turn to in times of distress.
Why do people die?
Where do they go?
Why do they have to go at a certain time?
Even if they’re having such a good time here?
Why? Why? Why?
For some reason, i didn’t message her. The thought crossed my mind every day since Sunday, but i just didn’t end up doing it and that’s okay. The amazing thing is that i bumped into her quite coincidentally, and managed to have an unexpectedly private talk with her.
She said that for someone to go painlessly and so early on, it just meant that his job here on earth was done.
“Trust me honey, where he is, he’s having a ball.”
I like the sound of that.
It doesn’t help us miss him less, but i like thinking that he was such a great person inside that it was only natural he went on to his next stage in existing.
See you at the ball one day.