When i was single, i relished in it.
I had more time to do all these things i didn't previously have time for - hooping, blogging, spending time with friends, sitting on my sofa thinking about life (my favourite pastime).
As time went on, there was a little niggling sensation that it felt a little lonely. At times. I wouldn't really want to admit it, but any single person you're close to would most probably divulge how nice it would be to cuddle with someone to sleep. Or come home from a long day of work to someone to banter about your day with in complete comfort zone, or snuggle together on the sofa watching series 🙄
Dating is HARD. We have so many expectations or desires or personal issues that block us from finding a partner.
I would think to myself:
Why is it so hard to meet someone i really like and who likes me back?
Is it our timing? Is my taxi light on when his is off?
Is it because i'm too fussy? (Answer: Probably.)
Am i hanging around in the same circles? (Answer: Probably, too.)
But but... how can this BE when i'm so sociable and go out and meet more people than the average person?
I can't imagine how it's like for others who are less inclined to do something due to lack of time or know-how.
There are those who want to date but don't want to get into anything serious,
and those who are looking for someone to build a future with.
This blogpost is for the latter.
Below are some things i always talk about with friends... and wanna share here.
Change your mindset.
Don't be all mopey and 'oh i'll never meet anyone'. It's not about you saying this to others, but what you believe exists in yourself, because you can't fake vibes. Beliefs you have send out a subconscious vibe or vibration, unbeknownst even to yourself. You know how people can smell desperation a mile away? Same theory.
An example would be about my belief system in regards to friends. I went through a year when i felt i had enough friends, when one day something just clicked in my head - i don't believe i can have enough. Cos if love is infinite, and the love required for people is infinite, therefore the number of people is infinite. Right after i thought this, i happened to travel a lot for work, and within a month met roughly 500 people, many of whom i keep in touch with cos they are too awesome not to. How interesting... that the moment i changed my mind, everything around me changed.
I feel it's the same with dating. Your dating situation alters when your thoughts about it change. I went through my phase of
'yay being single is the BEST'
'omg why is it so hard to date in KL'
'I think i need to move country to find someone to date'
'i don't care anymore, i'm just gonna meet lots of people and be open to making new friends'.
You'll meet someone when you're in the last stage. Happens all the time.
Now that you know this, you can change how you look at relationships. Why are you looking for this 'special someone'? Regardless if/when you meet this person, even they will never inspire your every nook and cranny like someone else in the world can (because we are each so different like snowflakes geddit?). So relish in making new friends with people who will pleasantly surprise you with how many things you like about them, despite not necessarily wanting to date them.
As you do this, you will be undertaking a more authentic way of making friends - you'll have a different goal in mind. Once you get here i can promise you that the Universe will suddenly drop someone into your lap, just as you were getting comfortable being single.
+ + + + +
Be clear on what you want.
What DO you want? Have you thought about it? Listed it down? I'm totes for the power of manifestation, but how can the Universe/God give you what you want when you don't know what you're asking for.
This doesn't just apply to looking for a special someone, but i even use it when i'm looking for staff. I think about all the qualities and skills i want them to have:
- good grammar
- common sense
- how nice i want them to be
- like the same type of food (so we can all go eat together)
Why not? There are no rules! 😆 This is my mental wish list and it's surprising how the right people will show up when you take some effort to think about it.
Same thing with a partner - what are the qualities you want them to have?
Do you want them to agree to kids?
Does he/she have to like the same hobbies as you?
What are the characteristics and values you want them to have most?
Do you want someone to spend every minute with you, or someone who gives you space to grow?
Is it a dealbreaker if they have difficult parents / exes / friends?
This is your personal wish list. Nobody has to see it except YOU, so have fun and bring forth your raw honesty.
That being said, bear in mind what the most important values need be. Some friends have quoted they must have someone tall or 8.9 on the handsome scale. I agree that it's part of what gets the person attracted to you, but at the end of the day, someone who shares the same values and dreams as you do is essentially what will make the relationship work.
Remember that the key is to be clear on what matters to you the most!
+ + + + +
Explore new hobbies. Get out of your comfort zone.
We are naturally drawn to certain activities that we may not indulge in due to fear and excuses. Seek out new hobbies, pluck up a little courage and partake in them.
Taking yourself out of your comfort zone and into an entirely new environment will give you a fresh perspective. If you're always wondering why you're stuck in the same social circles, well, maybe it's time to unearth a new life outside work and old friends.
If you're feeling mighty uncomfortable about it, that's normal because change sets physical motion in action. Think about the zarah-zarah we learnt about in science class - when water condensates to air, the atoms start vibrating faster at a higher frequency. Faster and faster till ZIIIIPPPP they change form and turn into gas. We are all made of atoms, so the same principle applies. When we go through change, imagine how our atoms are spinning faster than usual cos 'whoaaaa something is happeningggg'. It might be exemplified as trembling in fear or excitement.
Putting yourself out of your comfort zone is never easy, but it gets easier cos you get used to it and establish how you're still OKAY after making that change. You didn't die. It's just your body going through its primitive "flight or fight" mode.
+ + + + +
Try professional matchmaking platforms.
We're living in a digital world, so no matter how you want to avoid it, there are many avenues out there to meet people like apps, groups, communities and platforms. Love and all its forces work in various ways, and who knows who you will connect with and how?
I found some of my closest friends on Friendster, then through the blog, then through newer apps and services. If you're a busy single professional who doesn't have much time to date, try Lunch Actually. It's a professional premium matchmaking agency which coordinates dates in a secure, discreet, and fun environment. Baby/Faridah will be going on a Lunch Actually date and i'm really excited for her!
The reason she's willing to go on Lunch Actually is because they have a great reputation as Asia's first and biggest premier lunch dating company. Lunch Actually has had 12 years of experience in the business of matchmaking, arranged more than 63,000 dates (in Singapore, HK, KL and Penang) and featured in over 3,000 media globally including Forbes, Bloomberg and CNN.
It isn't an online dating service, but a highly-personalized offline matchmaking service who meets you face-to-face for profiling and to understand your preferences (from basic things like age and religion to deeper desires like life goals and beliefs) before finding you matches and recommending suitable member packages. Once you're a member, your date is handpicked by their consultants who arrange a date and time for both parties to meet for lunch (or drinks, coffee, dinner). Lunch is ideal cos it's short and sweet and you're not obligated to stay longer as, "I need to get back to work!"
Post-date, Lunch Actually will get feedback from you so they can find a better match moving forward if the first one didn't work out.
I saw all these testimonials on their website and we were all joking in the office, "Who knows, maybe we'll be getting wedding invitation from Baby next year haha!!" I'm gonna get her to blog her review and experience of Lunch Actually after it happens 😆
Thanks to Lunch Actually for offering her the date/s. They initially offered them to me but seeing i have Jun... 🙂
If you're interested in a free consultation from Lunch Actually for yourself, *click here* for a free consultation! I would love to hear how it turns out for you too!
[Disclosure: This is a sponsored post by Lunch Actually 💞 Thank you for believing in me to write this for you!]