Comments (0) Emo, Musings & Personal

In between emails and work coordination, i read a message that made my heart sink

Aunt G and Uncle M invited Jun and i for dinner with Uncle A last week
Yesterday we found out the horrible news that Uncle A’s son Tami had passed away
He’s just a littleย older than i
I met him a long time ago when he showed me around Kingston and cooked chicken curry for dinner
He became an architect who was in the midst of designing luxury resorts, and is a father to twin toddlers.

I can’t help thinking of other people who are less conducive to the beauty of the world
who should have gone instead
Why someone who was contributing
I feel bad for thinking that
then i don’t
then i do again

As death does, it makes one reflect on the fragility of life
How God can decide so suddenly and easily to take you back
at any time
at any second
Poof, just like that

How am i living my own now?
Am i happy with all the things i’m doing?
What would i rather be doing if i knew i was going to go in a year’s time?
I used to live my life that way
And i stopped / forgot / adult responsibilities and desires came in the way

Suddenly i am more aware and grateful for my daily experiences
I am grateful for the experience of driving around in my car
Watching the scenery fly past me
I stared at my toes while on the loo last night
and watched the warm glow of my bathroom lights making them shine
I felt the soft cushioning of the black mat below them
and felt grateful i could FEEL that

I am so sorry for the family
I cannot fathom how it feels to lose a son that was beginning a great phase of his life
Wishing them additional strength and love

As for me, i’m going to constantly remind myself
that every sensation and experience is a gift

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