This week has been painful, physically. My hips ache, my neck is stiff, my head hurts, even my heart ached (till i cried for a few minutes on Monday)! I feel like an aunty having to stretch every day so i can move around. -_- I think it's mostly due to the gruelling 3.5hr #fckthefloorsessions i went to on Sunday, and all these shifts happening emotionally and mentally.
There has been a lot of release for me this week. Of people, beliefs, and mental moods; that i've clung unto for the past year. I feel like a different person, especially today. Wow, maybe my mental shifts are mirroring in my physical state - making me feel like i'm breaking out of my body. Cracking open a cocoon. Climbing out of an egg. Emerging as a new being.
Or maybe i'm just using that as an excuse for the fact i'm still hurting terribly from that dance session where the floor fucked me instead. (I have a newfound deep respect for exotic dancers. That, and the realisation i might be past my prime to take it on as a future career).
Besides the day-to-day barrage of emails and tasks (i wish someone could magically do instead of me), I've been working on our regular clients, towards an event in less than 2 weeks, and hiring new people.
Baby told me in Q3 last year that she'd be leaving her position as my manager, to move to Germany to settle down with her fiancee Michael, a Polish artist based in Munich. When she told me, i knew i'd have to slowly work with my feelings about letting her go... she's been my closest confidante for the past 3.5 years!
Change is constant... and the only way to go with it smoothly is to flow with it without fighting against its current.
The past month has been a process of interviewing new individuals who'll take over her workload, + new tasks, and as of today, i've officially hired two new girls who will be joining KBF, with my high hopes for 1x more in April (if all goes well).
Two weeks ago, i was telling a friend about a convo Baby and i had last year >
Me: That's IT Baby! *slams hands on table* I've had enough! I don't want to work anymore! I want to be a tai tai now!
Baby: *without missing a cue, picks up imaginary notebook + pen and looks at me with big shining eyes* Which Singapore millionaire you want?
I laughed so hard at the memory, and that friend said: You're gonna miss her
Me: I am... i am...
I think when i've had to put aside my emotions and get to work at replacing Baby, she's the one getting emo pulak now, with the realisation that she's gotta hand over everything next week.
Earlier this month >
Me: Hey, look at this CV, promising right? I just interviewed her
Baby: HUH! Who is this xxx!? She has big shoes to fill!
Me: Ok ok... yes she has VERY BIG shoes to fill!
Me: I can't believe it's the end of March... you have to handover soon!
Baby: It's NOT the end of March yet!!
Me: Ok ok... it's ALMOST the end of March...
This week >
Me: I like this girl, she seems like an all-rounder, she was a prefect.. and sports captain, and she was a speaker, played netball, etc etc
Baby: ... *i* wasn't a prefect, *i* can do my job! Can she* do what *i* do!?
Me: *BURSTS OUT LAUGHING* Nobody can do what you do Baby!!
Baby: *can't help laughing too* omg... psycho central...
Today, i proffered scheduling a farewell gathering for her at my place, and she declined saying she just wanted it to be us. I said ok, we could have another sess with other ppl. And she wrote, "I know what i want. I just want me and you."
I could feel the protectiveness and jealousy surging from her. But it warmed me because... i know she's gonna miss me, as much as i'm gonna miss her. I've never had a relationship with anyone like Baby before. She's not only been a great friend, but evolved from being my personal manager to handling many of our clients and KOLs. She's organised, intelligent, street-smart, and has an amazing ability to connect with the people she deals with cos she has true intentions and feelings for the best in them to shine through. Also, i've not worked with anyone else who would grab my boobs or let me grab theirs when we're bored.
We were on a whatsapp vid call while i was in Bali last week, when she flashed me a boob which made me laugh and lose focus of whatever i was saying.
Me: Damn you, what the fuq was i saying... *stares into space*
Baby: Are *they* gonna flash you their boobs? *sarcastic+smug while cocking her head*
Me: Probably not... really, most probably not... *envisioning a life without seeing her awesome boobs during work ever again*
There's such a difference working with just females, cos you feel safe to act and say whatever you want. I will always fondly recall that magnificent calendar of nude French sportsmen we had hanging on the office wall when we were still running the online store in 2015.
I look back at the past with fondness, and i'm still holding on to the present comfort of working with Baby while i can, but i'm also really looking forward to the future of KBF with this change in dynamics. I guess it was just naturally time for Baby and i to move on from each other, to progress separately.
It's time for us both to continue learning elsewhere and from other people.
Every time i let go of someone who works very closely with me, it feels as intensely as a couple breakup. I'm not sure if this is a phenomenon that only happens when you're older, or female. And i'm now both #intensemuch
4 years ago, the two people closest to me were Clem (my ex) and Sweet Ee (my first hire).
2 years ago, it shuffled to being Jun (most recent ex) and Baby (now going to leave meeeee)
So now... i feel like i'm entering a new phase.