I'm sorry i haven't been blogging as much.
Just been getting some down time and making space for myself to think...
Post-CNY was super busy till early May, when i finally reached a point that i wasn't able to see people or attend as many events as i was asked for. I just felt so... TIRED. And i'd go out feeling grumpy cos i didn't want to be out. And i didn't feel like blogging cos i was all sad and pensive thinking about the recent passing of a family friend. So i just gave myself a break from everything.
I said no to a lot of meetings and events, just cos i wasn't up for it, and i don't believe i should force myself if my best work or thoughts are going to arise. I did a hydrotherapy detox, stayed home for days while Jun was in the Philippines attempting his 100-miler, took care of the cats, and just spent a lot of time with myself.
I feel a lot better. And this is something i'm going to continue doing whenever i feel like it.
Once i felt like i could see more people again, i started contacting friends who've been asking to meet up so i could catch up with different people individually. I am beginning to put more emphasis on spending time with the people i love, knowing i will never regret it. Time is something i can never get back.
This week, i tore myself away from work to have a 3-hour lunch and hangout with my grandmother, who flies back to London next week. Usually i would think of having a short lunch and then hurry back to my laptop. But now... i think about how she's older, and if i can grab time with her, then now is the time to do it.
Time feels like a thread, barely felt between my fingers,
but definitely there, and slippery enough to slide through my grasp without my realising it.
Fuck work, i thought.
Work can wait, but time with her cannot.
I will regret it later on if i think back on all the missed opportunities cos i thought 'there is always next time'.
It's not just time with people, but even time for the small things.
I was so busy last year that i would take my phone or laptop into the toilet with me, cos i was using every second and minute to work and get stuff done. It was maniacal.
Now i pause during the day to have a proper lunch and keep my phone away.
Yesterday i stared at a rainbow and admired it while shrieking loudly in the car to myself "RAINBOWWWWW!!!"
Last week i took the time to take videos of a spectacular lightning show outside my balcony.
If the cats drop to the ground for a scratch in front of me, i take a minute to give it to them despite being on my way out.
If I bump into someone who wants to stop for a chat (usually, i apologize and rush off in a flurry), i take a few minutes to really look into their eyes and connect on how we both are REALLY doing.
The world moves so quickly nowadays because everything is instant, that we've got used to it.
But we're human beings. We're not robots. Robots have all the time in the world, but all the time in one person's life is a mere blink of an eye in the entirety of the span of the universe. Hmm wow i really just let the train go choo choo here. Time for me to sleep! Frigging long day tomorrow and i'm yawning till i'm crying my eyes out.