Why Should I Feel Disappointed?

Comments (9) Alcohol, Birthdays, Events, Nature

I did a tad. Just a tad.
Then i told myself – Old habits die hard.
And i’m glad all that’s happened, occurred.
It reminded me of why and not regret and wish i did it all earlier.
Stormy Sky

Aiyo. I meant *they* were on a roll.
It was 6am when i edited that and if this was last time, i would reedit it.
But hell. I’m too lazy, tired, too much other work to do, it’s late right now, and it’s a blog. Sorry.

I was terribly annoyed that i couldn’t capture what i saw with my eyes (my SLR has yet to be serviced)
The clouds were way more magnificent then above… can you imagine?!
They were breathtaking.
They are the reason i stand stone still at the window at times, floating on a natural high called breeze.

Went for the Harper’s Bazaar Fashion In Focus event in Aseana, KLCC last Friday.
Harperโ€™s Bazaar

Exhibited along the central path of the event were superb images the Harper’s BAZAAR team have created.

Harperโ€™s Bazaar

I didn’t take many pictures there… >_<

Benjamin + Joyce

Ben + i

Went for the party at Bar Blonde after that which was… i think less eventful then the previous ones.
I’m sticking to a different tactic from now on (whoops i can’t write here what it is :p)

Then off to regulatory TAG for DramaticKim’s birthday

Kimberly De Silva

I felt quite drunk after having heaps of champagne, wine, vodka, whiskey and beer; so i headed downstairs to sober up sendiri at 2am.

DoorBitchIvan teman-ed me for awhile though i have no recollection whatsoever on what i said to him.


Below is a poster outside Zouk…

Zouk poster

Below is a typo…

Zouk poster

Sorry, i’m just really fucking anal about spelling, especially on publication and advertising materials.
I still adore TAG, no less ๐Ÿ˜€

I find myself different from last time, the time when i couldn’t control my alcoholism.
When i hear friends complain about their friends getting aimlessly drunk and getting way too drunk for their safety, i feel a connection there.
What i’m saying is, when i had my problem with alcohol, i couldn’t explain it.
I couldn’t explain why i’d drink so much and not stop.
I couldn’t explain why i’d think i was invincible with alcohol.
I couldn’t explain why i’d want to drink excessively every time i could get my hands on it.

That would best be described as a chronic drinker.

Through time and (i think) increase in work (or dare i say it, maturity), i decreased drastically in my alcohol intake.

I stop drinking when i feel i’m reaching my limit.
And you ask, how can i not know my limit when i drank so much last time?

I cannot explain it.

I would just drink and drink somemore. Even when i was already drunk, i would think that i would still be able to withstand it and continue unconsciously.

Though painful losses and dangerous lessons contributed to me decreasing, it never actually stopped the entire habit wholly.

I don’t know. I suddenly thought about writing about it when a few people approached me tonight asking why i wasn’t taking advantage of the freeflow.

I’m not the absolute freeloader i used to be. OF COURSE i still fancy drinking and who can say no to free alcohol? What i’m saying is i’m not keterlaluan hadap for it anymore.

Somehow (thank the gods though i don’t know how), i manage to be more conscious of myself when i drink now. I stop when i think i’ve had enough.

I think what i’m doing here is just trying to explain other people’s chronic drinking habits. I’m not saying it’s something acceptable. I’m just saying that… at that point of time, i really couldn’t control what i was doing despite going overboard more then twice a week. And the entirety of being able to be in control was by luck.

So yeah.
I still drink every day -_- Sunday is my non-alcoholic day.
I still want to go to Pathlab and get my liver tested to know for myself how much damage i’ve inflicted unto it.

But at least i’m in a different phase in my life where i’m not the terbabased drunkard i used to be.

Not to the extent where… it was so bad i don’t even want to begin with the stories.

9 Responses to Why Should I Feel Disappointed?

  1. n00b says:

    You seem to go to a lot of cool events and functions. I personally don’t know of anyone who has half the social life that you do and it depresses me on how plain and boring I am. So how do I get myself invited to these stuff to be seen and be cool like you? Free food and alcohol is a bonus too, but secondary to getting my picture beside you on your blog! Because, for me, that is the ultimate marker of me having ‘made it’.

    ๐Ÿ™‚ Peace, love and fairydust to you!

  2. x says:

    Joyce – website may have teething problems, but overall your writing is fine as always, and you have as keen an eye as always. Difficult topic, good of you to deal with it.

  3. Wilson says:

    finally i got rid of all those spam comments, trackbacks and add spam karma to work in the background.

  4. rachel lai says:

    i like this post-abt what u have to say abt ur drinking habits. ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. grace says:

    hi, i’ve been a reader of your blog for quite some time and we share a few mutual friends. actually, i think our mothers know each other.

    anyhoo, about your drinking, i applaud that you have so openly confronted your past demons about wanting to drink excessively all the time without knowing why. many people actually go through that very same problem, yet are very afraid of facing their demons.

    i very recently terbabased by drinking overly much during an event. so i can relate very well to what you’re saying.

    and about your liver, yeah i WOULD recommend you going for a checkup. not only at pathlab, but with a dr who would be able to order you the proper tests to see if there’s anything wrong. *fingers crossed, nothing will be*

  6. JoyceTheFairy says:

    noob: erh thanks >_< it’s my job la…

    x: thank you

    wilson: great thanks

    rachel: eh… aren’t we supposed to go out like… soon one day? i’ll msg you on fb k ๐Ÿ˜€

    grace: oh NO. people who’ve never met my mother have heard of her :p well i think i openly talk about it because i understand it a bit better now…

    yeah gonna buy liver pills too, the kind you take every time you drink!

  7. grace says:

    i’ve actually met your mother. but it has been a long time since.
    she and my mom used to teach together in assunta if i’m not wrong.

    and hey..if u need to ask any medical advice, i’ll be glad to fill u in.

  8. Fei says:

    Enlightenment. In this blog?. I feel funny.

  9. kell says:

    Milk thistles!

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