13 Years

Comments (49) Emo, People & Beings

I know thirteen years is a long time.
When i was 11, i calculated that you’ll be with me till i’m roughly 22 years of age.
And 22 seemed an eternity at that time.
It seemed an age that would never come.

It came. And left.
Now i’m 24. And you’re 13.

Daddy took the cone off you cos he thought you’d be more comfortable without it.
And you seemed like you were suffering.
But after it got taken off, you just had to scratch more at your ear and now it’s bleeding again.
It just won’t fucking heal.
I’m pissed off and upset.

No, i’m not pissed off at you…

“I think we have to accept that maybe it’s time for us to say bye to him,” said Daddy calmly in the kitchen.
I looked outside into the garden. Which wasn’t much to see because its dark outside.

A month ago i was in denial that it was time for you to be put to sleep.
So I made you go to the vet a few times.
Sometimes you seem like you’re getting better, and you look at me with the same eyes that remind me of when you were young – bright and alert.
Then sometimes you would whine for hours even though you’d eaten and i didn’t know what was wrong.

A few days ago you wouldn’t get up.
You wouldn’t drink water even though i held it to you.
You wouldn’t eat either. The squirrels keep on taking your food.
I tried holding you to stand up but you just slouched back down the moment i let go.

To let go… every time i think of letting you go, my mind just goes, “Cannot cannot cannot, i cannot.”
I was stubborn that it wasn’t your time yet. Even when Mummy suggested it, i didn’t listen, remembering what Cynthia mentioned, “Is he still eating? Does he still wag his tail? Then it’s not his time yet.”

And you were then, so i thought, “Okay good, you’re still fine and it’s okay and it’ll be okay…”

Now you’re not really doing both.
And i remember what Cynthia said.

I can’t even write anymore.

49 Responses to 13 Years

  1. devil_undercover says:

    God knows why they’re made to age with tht 7 yr thing.

    It’s screwed up if u ask me.

    It’s very hard to say goodbye.

    I think my girl’s going blind, losing her balance, everytime something’s up I don’t dare take her to the vet in case they find something else, I know I’d just die then & there.

    But somedays she just jumps arnd like she’s 3. She’s 13, too.

    I dread the day her body can’t take it anymore.

    So I really know how you feel.

  2. anon says:

    i put my babe to sleep 4 months ago…i told myself tht she would recover, but no one really recovers from cancer rite? the vet told me it was the right thing to do, but it didnt seem to matter as she looked at me with her big brown eyes. The morning that it happened, she wouldnt get out of her cage, wouldnt eat, wouldnt even look at me.She just sat down resolutely and i had to carry her into the vets office… and ohsoquickly, IT happened… i feel for u fairy

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  4. Fei says:


  5. kennysia says:

    Hey babe, stay strong.

  6. tk says:

    stay strong..

  7. 3cinr3b says:

    i miss my dog very much too. she’s still alive and i’ve had her since i was 11 as well and it hurts so much knowing i won’t see her for a long time more and i can’t be there if anything happens to her.

    i’m sorry to hear about your dog. which i’m sure is more than a dog to you and your family.

  8. fae says:

    feel sad for you..
    be strong ! c:

  9. well says:

    i don’t even know you but there’re tears in my eyes.be strong.it’s for the best.*random stranger hug*

  10. Purple Rose says:

    Mine was put into sleep earlier this year. Had been with the family for 15 years. Couldn’t wag her tail, see, walk or even bark properly. Like you, I was in denial, feeding her with her favourite food daily hoping to see some changes. Although she’s no longer around, I could still feel her presence around the house, really. Especially her favourite spots. πŸ™‚

  11. sam says:

    i don’t know you, but i know exactly how you feel.i can’t help but to cry after reading your post. I’m studying aboard and i have a beautiful Labrador who just turned 13 a while ago. His eyesight is going bad, and he can’t walk as well because arthritis is giving him a bad leg. I only go back for 2 months each year and each time i fear that it will be the last time i can pat him. I’m really sorry for you and i wish you well.

  12. Mellissa says:

    I had to put my dog to sleep a couple of months ago too, so I know how you feel πŸ™ It’s painful, but you know that it’s the best thing to do, and since they’ve been such good pets for all these years, I guess I felt like I should grant her this one last thing πŸ™‚

  13. jessbabe says:

    I’ve gone through it, I know it’s not easy. It’s painful even thinking about him, and the fact that everything you do seem to relate to him.

    It takes time. Hugs

  14. tykiasu says:

    Body are temporary, souls are forever. He will live in your heart as long as you do. So, cheer up. dont let him see your sadness before he leaves.

  15. FeR says:

    know how you feel…not easy to let go. it’s been a year since Brinkley’s been gone and I still call out to him sometimes in the house…still miss him.

    but if he’s suffering, it’s probably a decision to make out of love.

    all dogs go to heaven…and they’d be as they were healthy on earth.

  16. LilyJ says:

    It’s hard not to choke and gulp as I’m trying to force the tears not to fall. I’ve grown up with dogs, there has never been a day of my life when I have not had a dog by my side. Since I was 13 then I’ve lost five dogs altogether, three to old age and two because they were poisoned.

    With each passing, it doesn’t get easier.

    I’ve got two dalmatians now and I’m not looking forward to losing them although the time will come eventually.

    Let’s hope that as with the cartoon that made my life easier back then (and even now) that “All Dogs Go To Heaven”.

  17. thegeekinpink says:

    oh babe *hugs you* i’m so sorry…. all dogs go to heaven, and they’re all friends with each other up there. all your favourite colours, his favourite bones, glittery squeaky rubber balls and everything fairies…

    *HUGS* i dont really know what to say

  18. Mei says:

    Here’s something that helped me through when the house kitten died :

    Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

    When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
    There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
    There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

    All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
    The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

    They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

    You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

    Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….

  19. thegeekinpink says:

    yes… and eventually we’ll all see our dogs again.

  20. ajis says:

    hey babe…..be strong.

    im not sure whether this will make you feel better. i lost both my parents and elder sis last year. it all happened within 90 days.

    you decide.

  21. eiko-chan says:

    I’m really sorry to hear this.
    Please do stay strong. Apart from needing YOU (being with him), thats what i’m sure he needs you to be most. Be strong.

    I remembered reading this list thing on “how a pet owner should treat their pets” on Pet Safari’s bulletin board.

    I can’t remember the entire list, except this one which had left a very deep impression on me.
    “Never say “i cannot bear to watch”… As long as you are with me, everything is going to be alright.”

    As long as you’re with him!

  22. elyne says:

    stay strong babe! fairies are strong!! kar yau!!

  23. thegeekinpink says:

    eiko’s comment nearly made me cry. yeah as long as you’re with him… i’ve always thought if something happens to Darlink and I’ve to make this decision, i won’t be strong enough and that i dont think i can bear to watch. but now reading this and his comment, it’s about being strong for our dogs still… our dogs would want us to be there with them till the very end.


  24. alvinb says:

    hey stay strong. =)

  25. Azwin Andy says:

    hang in there okay girl….

    Everything will be fine……

  26. jessie lem says:

    we all know how u feel. the fear of letting go yet u’re clear in ur mind that’s how things is goin to be. just breathe in breathe out, calm urself in peace. πŸ™‚ stay strong ! *cuddles*

  27. StrangerNini says:

    It’s difficult for everyone. At this moment, perhaps letting him go might b the best. Remember that all dogs goes to heaven.
    Dog is our best friend, it protect us, comfort us, entertain us, company us and even bring happiness to us.
    Now that he needs u, do comfort him and stay with him until the end.
    it’s difficult to let go, but i’m sure he will find a happier place in the heaven.

  28. lilith says:

    i cried when i read this because i have a cocker spaniel of my own. she’s only a year and a half years old, but already i can’t bear to think of her leaving me.

    before this, i’ve had three dogs of mine die, and in the most tragic ways. i felt terribly guilty when i saw eiko-chan’s comment on how we should be there for them. because i wasn’t there for mine.

    i’m afraid of getting too close to this one, because each time my dog dies, my heart breaks a little more. i like the rainbow bridge idea, and i really hope it’s true.

    it’s not easy to say goodbye, but at least they’re going to a better place. i hope you feel better soon. πŸ™‚

  29. Random G says:

    My dog is wearing the cone, I called it – the bighead. It has been around his neck for almost three years (without taking it off except during shower or someone to keep an eye on him, like every sec) which I think it’s really hurtful for him sometimes.

    After work, I come home and see him lying on the floor helplessly, bruises and thick blood dripping, stains on the floor, I can feel the pain on his face, legs, thighs, chest, where all the bacterias eating him up slowly. A large breed – mastiff, my dog can’t really fit into a car, so the vet usually comes over to give him some shots. =(

    Already almost 8-9 years old, big and chubby, which can affect his bones especially his joints, having difficulty to walk and run. I don’t know what I can do, my parents want to put him to sleep. It is in fact suffering to see and knowing he is taking all the pain alone, he can’t even speak out but we all know we can tell through his eyes and the amount of blood all over the place. ='(

    According to the vet, his skin problem is common among large breeds. In my humble opinion, I think vet these days not innovative enough to save our pets. But I myself also can’t do anything either. Useless.

    My best companion, so loyal, his unconditional love is irreplaceable.

  30. chi chi says:

    saw this at the spca once. tot i’ll just share it with you. it’s one of my favourites. i cried the first time i read it.

    A Pet’s Plea

    If it should be that I grow frail and weak
    And pain should keep me from my sleep
    Then you must do what must be done
    For this, the last battle, can’t be won.

    You will be sad – I understand
    Don’t let your grief then stay your hand
    For this day, more than all the rest
    Your love and friendship stand the test.

    We’ve had so many happy years
    What is to come can hold no fears
    You’d not want me to suffer, so
    When the time comes, please let me go.

    I know in time you too will see
    It is a kindness you do to me
    Although my tail, it’s last has waved
    From pain and suffering I’ve been saved.

    Don’t grieve that it should be you
    Who has decided this thing to do
    We’ve been so close, we two these years
    Don’t let your heart hold any tears.

    Author Unknown

  31. Wern Shen says:

    Loosing a pet is very sad. I lost my pet dog which I had for more than half my life. Sorry to hear your loss.

  32. Jerry says:

    some how your dog will always be with you, like a fairy =)

  33. Eve says:

    already 3 dogs of mine went to heaven and i dread the day when my current one will do the same. i know how u feel…i feel really sad for u now. *hugs*

  34. Renee says:

    Hey babe,

    Stay strong..


  35. Winnie says:

    all dogs go to heaven, so they say.

    *hugs from a stranger*

    i so know how you feel. stay strong.

  36. wombok says:

    We put our dog to sleep last year and it was just so hard to see her go. But, she was suffering and struggling and though it was the hardest thing to do, it was the right thing to do. I remember holding her paws at the vet and laying her to rest in our back yard was difficult to swallow. But I am comforted by the fact that she’s not struggling any more.

    Hang in there.

  37. c says:

    hey there,
    i totally know how u feel cause we’re in the same boat
    mom tells me the same thing.. i dont want to face it..
    i dont want to put him to sleep
    but when the time comes and if we have to,
    it’ll be the best thing for them, so they wont suffer anymore
    hugs fairy..

  38. Arth says:

    Putting your pet dog to sleep is probably the hardest thing to do but the decision is based on the dog’s health not your grief.

    Do not be worried about how the dog feels mentally about being ‘put to sleep’ as the only thing the dog knows is the pain it is in now.

    I’m sorry


  39. celine says:

    hey i dont know u.
    but i get how u feel.
    i had to put my dog to sleep after spending thousands on his treatment.
    he had skin cancer.
    in fact he inspired me to pursue a career in vet sc..
    its not easy letting a best friend go.
    but do stay strong=)

  40. My Golf Sucks says:

    My beloved dog walked out of the family about 11-12 yrs back. I was in the US at that time, and she was about 12 or 13 yrs old. It was as if she knew her time was here, and she wanted to spare the family the anguish of seeing her go.

    I loved that dog (but sometimes bullied her as well), and she had a few close shaves with life and death, and it was I who hand fed her during her times of suffering.

    I still cry when I think of her. I miss her still after all this years. Crap, I’m crying right now.

  41. huei says:

    i read all the comments, and it’s hard not to cry for you

    i fear that day might come for my dog as well, she’s 5 now, and time flies, but i’ve made a promise with her, whatever happens, wherever she goes, there’s a secret place for us to meet. I will wait for her there if she ever gets lost, or go away…

    Be strong. Take cares.

  42. Dashken says:

    It’s hard to let go but in the end, we have to. It’s best to shorten the suffering. It’s the best we can do for him/her too. Take care and.. take care… *hugs*

  43. kricia says:

    ur post reminds me of my Shih Tzu. She’s turning 5 soon.. and i really cant imagine how am i gonna take it if she’s gone.

    Sometimes, i wonder, how long will she be able to be here for me. im really scared to lose her one day.

    anyway, stay strong babe! and take care.

  44. Elsie says:

    I don’t have a dog and I never have a pet but girl, I feel you. That’s one reason I never dare to have a dog. I love em dogs but I can visualize my heart breaking when it’s time to say goodbye. Be strong. Tell him that’s he’s been a good dog and family member.

  45. anon says:

    hey. i kinda know how it feels. about nearly a year ago, my dog was put to sleep. he had been suffering for quite some time, but i refused to have him put down. then came the day, where he could no longer walk, couldnt even eat when fed, couldnt even drink, the water just kept trickling out of his mouth. he was letting out all these weird howls of pain, and all through it i sat with him, and then i realized that this was it. its better to put him out of his suffering, i took him to the vet. it didnt even take more than 10 mins. and they put him down. i still remember, that i watched him leave.

    i feel your pain. reading this post made me cry, it reminded me of my dog… but either ways, hang in there… my dog’s life was lengthened when we took a chance with his heart worm disease… the doctor says the odds were against us, but we managed to save him for another 2 years… hope may yet ot be lost.

  46. Chrissy says:

    Dear Joyce,

    I am terribly sorry to hear about your beloved furkid.

    My 7.5yr old cocker was diagnosed with breast cancer which is malignant and has recently undergone surgery.

    My entire family was devasted and it was impossible i felt for anyone else who hasn’t been in any situation like this to understand.

    I had no one to turn to so after all that crying and feeling horribly down. I gathered more information and joined online support groups which have helped tremendously.

    I believe that dogs should not be put down unless they tell you they can no longer go on and all dog owners know what our furkids tell us.

    Please remain hopeful, we’re going the holistic way with my sweetiepie which includes a change of diet(homecooked) chinese herbs,supplements etc..but taking into consideration the age of your boy it might be a little tricky. Still, everything is worth a go. Try to get hold of a vet or someone into holistic healing anything that’s beyond the conventional methods of pills which i feel are drugs! massage therapy etc..it will help ease whatever pain he’s feeling. She’s still got the cancer in her and those tiny lumps waiting to grow but it’s all under control. It’s a lot of time and $ but i’d give anything.

    Try 4life transfer factor too, it does wonders.

    Do take care and enjoy precious time with your furkid. Don’t give up hope.

  47. thisguy says:

    dont know if you remember my white spitz. she died 2 weeks before i left for uni overseas – as if she knew she’d be alone soon. not gonna tell you the whole story – but she was old and i’m glad that i was there. and that i got to bury her and say goodbye. i hope you get to be there and say your goodbye too – you’ll see him again one day. πŸ™‚

  48. jingen says:

    :*) I can feel all of you.

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