Many Happy Returns of the Day

Rudy!

Rudy turns twenty today.
Rudy is great.
Rudy supports my quest to see a fairy.
Rudy doesn’t mind me being alco.
Rudy talks fast, i like.
Rudy has been a fabulous friend.
Rudy, i hope you have a great birthday.

MUAX**

This was while working for an event last week. The one where i got annoyed whilst taking photographs of aunties…

photos entirely unedited

As i was walking into Zouk on Thurs night, there were a gaggle of tall girls in front of me. (ok fine, i’m short, so basically everyone *is* taller than me). You know how Zouk uses the blueuvlightshit to view your chop right? Well. I heard the line of the night from one of those girls.

After the Zouk fella pressed the chop firmly to her hand, she shrieked loudly

“Why got nothing wan?!?!”

I didn’t know whether to smack her, slit my own throat or fall down laughing.

Why got nothing… cos you obviously don’t go clubbing la. walau. dare to shriek so loud, somemore all your friends damn far away. noT shy…!

A good friend of mine did something amazing on the same night.
He shall remain anonymous as this is rather embarrasing and bimbotic.

Let’s make this more interesting. If you can answer the following real-life question, i’ll give you a Little Pony. I swear on all fairies in europe.

How the hell did my friend manage to lock his car keys in the car while the engine is still running?

I know. When i heard this. I laughed. I was flabbergasted. I had so many nasty lines in my head to throw him.

So faster… guess away!

Terms&Conditions apply
1. You must not have any relation whatsoever to the person mentioned.
2. You cannot be someone who clubs with me and knows that person.

I’m going for the rave tonight.
No prizes for guessing what caribbean foreign substance i shall be chucking into my body later.
I brought home a bottle of Malibu that has been boarding in My Slut’s room for two weeks.
As we walked towards his car in the hot sun, I cradled the bottle in my arms crooning, “My baby….”
Realised neighbours were staring at me.
And stopped.

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