Very recently, i learnt something new that i wanted to share. Okay maybe some of you know this already, but i didn’t, or if i did, i didn’t practice it properly and with my whole heart.
In the past, if someone had wronged a close friend of mine badly, i would mentally keep note of said person so i would stay away from them. Not get too close, you know. One of these ‘blacklisted’ people in my mind, recently approached me to have a chat. Usually i’d be polite for one minute then make an excuse to leave. But this time, i thought… what is my problem? True, she did something terrible before… but that was years ago. I’m sure she’s changed by now… i should give her a chance instead of never getting to know her.ย
Thing is, you NEVER know. I know of friends who changed from being good people to being great people. I have changed too… i can think of many past sins that i’m ashamed of.
So i spoke to her. And… i really liked what i gleaned. She is very different from the person i briefly knew previously, and i could feel how positive she is these days. It felt good talking to her. And i felt a bit ‘duh’ that i only realised this now.
Ironically, just after it happened my mum posted this on Facebook:
Different seasons of Life
There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.
The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall.
When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.
The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.
The second son said it was covered with green buds and full of promise.
The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.
The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.
The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree’s life.
He told them not to judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.
Don’t let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.
Don’t judge life by one difficult season.
Persevere through the difficult patches
and better times are sure to come some time or later.
hi joyce… thanks for this. i know what you mean and i know what it entails. but i am having difficulty with this, even though i’m trying. perhaps you could share your views?
my gd friend’s hubby cheated on her less than 1yr into their marriage. i never expected it of him, and very few people knew about it. they were a very loving couple, and she has since forgiven him and they’ve worked things out (been married 2yrs now).
him and i became close friends before they got married. i was one of the first to find out about the affair and it totally threw me off. i was very angry with him, and had found it very hard to forgive him or even be around him (i’ve had my own brushes with cheaters before).
it’s been a yr now and things are better. i used to avoid him totally, but i don’t want to lose my gd friend (they usually turn up at events together). i don’t expect him and i to to ever go back to the way things were before, but how do you suggest i go about putting all this behind me?
sorry about the long post… but this really hurt me and made me so angry because he hurt my close gf. i wanted to wring his neck myself!! i do not trust cheaters, period, but i want to give my close gf all the support she needs and i don’t want to lose her.
love your positive attitude ! little did i realize i’ve been following your blog for 9 years. stay awesome, you’d enlightened my life on each posts !
Thank you for sharing this lovely story of different seasons of life… Going to share this story around… Happy Monday!
pL: (i have a friend’s situation which is scarily similar to yours). You said yourself that you wanna give your good friend all the support she needs… and that she herself has already forgiven him. if she can forgive him, then you should be able to… cos even if we know what happened on both sides of the story, i believe there’s always more. maybe the husband wasn’t in a right place and cheated on her because of so many reasons that we don’t even know about. But whatever it is, he’s decided to work on their marriage and your friend wants to as well. So you just give her your support by forgiving him. Take your time if you will, noone expects you to do it immediately! But maybe you can see the effort he’s putting in by asking your friend? Instead of only hearing the bad things about him, help yourself by asking her what are the good things he’s been doing lately to MAKE UP FOR HIS MISTAKE.
ee: that’s a long time!!! ๐
mady: happy monday! ๐
thanks for sharing this positive story. ๐
hi joyce… i forgot to mention that he lied to me as well (he told me he was away on biz while he was galavanting overseas with the other party, whom btw was some young thing who had no idea he was married!). i was pissed when i found out he lied to me. he’s supposed to be a close friend and he made me a party to his lies?? he did not apologized to me/make peace with me… maybe that’s what still gets to me. i’m not sure if i’m even in the position to tell him off about it anymore.
i suppose he is making it up to her somehow (he’d better be!!!). i just find it difficult to place any of my faith in him.
i hear ya though. thanks for your suggestion =). i’ll work on it… i know it’ll take time, that’s what everyone says…
love this post. had a similar epiphany myself recently. anyway letting hang-ups go benefits everyone by improving positivity =)