I meant to blog a bunch of pictures tonight, but i just couldn’t do it cos i’m too tired. So i thought i’d just write. And i have to admit something – i haven’t been very honest with this blog, with myself, and with you.

I have all these ideas that i want to blog about. Topics, styles, etc. But i don’t do it, or get to do it cos i don’t have time.

I keep my time balanced between life online, and life in person. And my life in person is of utmost importance to me. It’s no point i be this online persona, when IRL i don’t keep relationships proper. So i make a lot of time for my REAL life. And… i also feel i’m bluffing myself when i don’t make time to record all these things down on my blog like i used to and want to. So i don’t. I procrastinate and forget about it. And then i feel regret when i think of all the things i WANTED to share , but didn’t. These are a culmination of good and bad things. The bad things i’ve hid to myself cos sometimes i’m embarrassed or afraid of what people might think.

Another thing: I always portray happiness.

The main reason i do that is because i don’t want to bitch and blab on my blog like i used to do in college, cos it’s all menial. And at the end of the day it comes to nothing. I just want to project positivity.

In the end, i held myself back from writing how i really feel.

I’m not purposely gonna complain about my life. I know my life is great. In someone else’s words: “You have a charmed life.” Which led to a long explanation on how some people’s lives mirror that of “The Pursuit of Happyness”. I KNOW i’m lucky okay, so i’m not gonna say any more how much i KNOW i’m lucky.

It’s just that i know i can MAKE IT MORE. MORE of than what i have now. I feel it in me. I know i have it in me to make something of myself that is a lot more than NOW.

I have been pretty miserable in a certain aspect of my life. And it’s been taunting me for months. Clem has been suffering from it, and i know he wants to see me take a step to change it. But there’s nothing he should or can say to make me do it. I have to do it myself.

I feel like a hypocrite. I’m always the one telling people, “There’s so much i can see you doing! I don’t understand why you’re so scared of it. You already have the desire and knowledge to do it, just do what makes you happy.” And yet i don’t do the same. How ironic.

A friend recently told me: “If the Universe wants you to go a certain direction, It will make it easy for you. All the right doors will open at the right time.”

I haven’t been going with the flow of the Universe for a while, but i’m trying to play to its melody now and hope i start dancing to happier tunes of my life.

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